NEXT

Here’s one story from a Next attendee this year that really encouraged us.

Emily’s Story

I’ve now been to one New Attitude conference, and one Next conference (though they are technically the same conference) This year and last year were bound to be different from the start. Instead of Gavi’s and the Chinese buffet, this year we ate at the Pratt Street Alehouse and California Tortilla. Rather than the Galt House, we spent our few sleeping hours in the Hilton.

For several months before the conference I’d become so caught up in the whirlwind of insanity and stress that was the last lap of school, I’d become distant from God. It wasn’t that I was ignoring him entirely, I still prayed and had biblical fellowship with my friends. I still worshipped him, even. But it was like God was in a large room, and I was on the other side of that room, lurking in the corner. I could still see him, but not very clearly, and I could hear him a little, but not at all well. I hoped that Next would be the weekend that changed all this. I hoped to have an emotional encounter with God that would bring me immediately back to his side of the room. When asked by my family group leader what I wanted out of this conference, my answer was to draw nearer to God.

Josh Harris opened the conference with a sermon about the preeminence of Christ, and while it was an excellent message that affected me deeply, it did not come with the same kind of emotion I’d felt a year before. One of the things he said in his message was “If you want to feel deeply, you need to think deeply.” I agreed with this concept immediately. Of course I knew that. Feelings were never good enough for me, I had always wanted emotion to be based on truth. I wrote down the phrase in my notebook because I liked it and agreed, and moved on.

The next morning as D.A. Carson preached on Christ’s incarnation, I realized I was hearing a lot of biblical truth that was truly affecting me, but I still hadn’t had a real radical experience of God’s nearness. I started to worry about whether I would get this at all during the weekend. That night, during worship, Josh Harris encouraged us all to stop worrying about what others were thinking about us, and to freely and openly worship the living God. I found I was still unable to do this to my full extent, and I prayed that God would draw me closer to him. Almost immediately, my prayer was answered. I was hearing God clearly for the first time in months, and what he was telling me was that he wanted to bring me close to him even more than I wanted him to. I suddenly realized that I did not need to beg for access into his presence, that I already had it. I simply needed to come. This truth hit me and emotion finally came. As we sang In Christ Alone, I wondered at this amazing truth: “as he stands in victory, sin’s curse has lost it’s grip on me, for I am his, and he is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ.” It felt to me as though Christ himself were standing in the auditorium with us, and, as Sinclair Ferguson would describe it 24 hours later, my heart felt strangely warm. I hoped it would continue this way for the rest of the conference, but again, God had other plans for me.

C.J. Mahaney’s message on Christ’s Death the emotion started to dwindle. I began to get anxious again, afraid that because I did not cry at every session, I would somehow forget all of the truth I was hearing when I got home. I felt like I was missing something, despite my head knowledge that every sermon held incredible truth about my savior, and with every message I was being shown some aspect of Christ that I’d never seen in that way before. At the end of an emotionally sleep-deprived night, I cried out to God with my fears.

Then I remembered what Josh Harris had said on the first night of the conference: “If you want to feel deeply, you need to think deeply.” Up until this point I’d brushed it aside as something I already knew, but now I realized I had not been living as though it were true. I now understood that my fear that I would not truly encounter God without some sort of emotional response every session was not only untrue, but a result of my unbelief. It became clear to me that it was not the “conference experience” that would bring me close to God, but an understanding of God himself. Every message I heard that weekend left me more and more in awe of who Jesus is, and every message left me more amazed at his great love for me. I realized that night that this was what it meant to draw near to God; not to have emotional experience three times a day for a weekend, but to learn more and more about him and to stand more and more in awe of him.

This year was different for me than last year. God’s love did not come to me forcefully with trumpets blaring as it had before, but it came to me no less, quietly and persistently, and as real as I’ve ever known it. I did not experience the same sort of emotional response I did last year, but I experienced the same truth and the same gospel, and in God’s mercy I learned that these things will always be greater than my feelings. I am so grateful that Jesus would continue to bring me closer to him, and I am constantly amazed that such an awesome God would want to bring me near. My prayers for this conference were answered in a way far greater than I ever expected, and I stand in awe of his goodness and glory. For I am his, and he is mine, bought with the precious blood of Christ.