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At the conference this year one of our highlights was hearing testimonies of how Jesus had changed people lives. Some of them were radical, others were more “ordinary” but all of them were encouraging to hear. They helped Jesus become bigger in our eyes. Over the next few days we’ll post them here on blog.

Here’s the first one:

Amanda Darby Testimony from Sovereign Grace Ministries on Vimeo.

Amanda
Covenant Life Church, Gaithersburg MD

My name is Amanda Darby and this is my story of how Jesus Christ changed my life.

I was raised in Birmingham Alabama in a loving home with both parents and two younger brothers, although we were not a religious family. My mom has told me that it seemed too difficult to get 3 children ready for church on Sundays, and it never became a priority.  Several of my friends and their families went to church and on many occasions, I went with them to Sunday services, and sang in church choirs, attended Christian summer camps, and even was confirmed Methodist, but it was as if I was just going through the motions, with no faith or heart motive. I remember always being curious and intrigued about what people were getting from church, because I could see a clear difference in the lives and attitudes of believers from my own life.

In middle school I began experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and my life became filled with rebellion and anger. I treated my parents with absolutely no respect and was hurtful in the things I did to them and began to rob them of the experience of being a part of my life. One by one, everything that once was important in my life, such as good grades, cheerleading, band, family and even friends started to become secondary to my rebellion. I went down fast.  If anyone ever asked why I was doing the things I was doing, I would just say that I wanted to have a good time and if people would just let me do whatever I wanted to do, I’d be happy. The truth was, I felt an emptiness that I tried to fill with drugs, alcohol, partying, boys, anything to distract me. I progressively got worse, and did things that were demoralizing and that I said I would never do. 

When I was in high school, I found out that my dad had been having an affair, and my parents were going to be divorcing. This rocked my world, and I began to blame everything that I was doing on the fact that my parent’s divorce was too hard to handle and drove myself even farther into trouble. I was running away from home, getting suspended from school, getting arrested, cursing at and fighting with my parents, and the whole time hating what I was doing to myself and my family. I wanted desperately to turn my life around, but knew I was powerless.  I tried to fix myself by going to college at Auburn, joining a sorority, seeing therapists, taking medication, hypnotherapy, changing friends, rehab, and I even ran away to live out in California, thinking that maybe if I moved to a sunny place, I could just start my life over, and finally be happy. Within only a few years, I found myself addicted to drugs and living out of my car. I was constantly putting myself in extremely dangerous situations, such as driving drunk and hanging out with dangerous people, and looking back on it now, I know God must have been keeping me safe.  Many times I was even suicidal. I felt so desperate, so empty, and so disappointed in what I had become.  I just wanted to the pain to stop and I tried to numb myself with drugs, alcohol, cutting, eating disorders, you name it.  I felt hopeless, and had said many prayers and made a million broken promises to God, but always thought to myself “how could there be a God if my life has ended up this way? And if there is a God, he must not care about me at all”. 

By age 20, through a series of what I then considered “coincidences”, I found myself in a twelve step program.  In this program, I was finally able to get sober and my life began changing dramatically. I was held accountable by other members, and was told I needed to come to believe in a “higher power” in order to continue to stay sober.  I was encouraged to find a spiritual solution, and live by spiritual principals. I haven’t had a drink or a drug since May 11, 2003 and over the last six years of sobriety, I began to believe that God did in fact exist.

Although most of my most glaring problems were getting better, I still was living completely for myself.  I was still struggling with sin. And I was even unaware that some of the things I was doing were sinful. I truly believed that if I could manage to get what I wanted in life, then I would be happy, but anytime I got something I wanted, I still felt an emptiness and unhappiness.

I had not heard the gospel in many, many years. I had the idea that I wasn’t good enough of a person to go to church, and that sobriety would just have to be enough for me. In early 2008 I began attending Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg, Maryland where I was living. I was very attracted to Christians and their lifestyles, but I was always waiting for a magical experience or for something just to click, where I would suddenly become a believer. In fact, I desperately wanted to believe, but felt lost.  I remember often being frustrated because I felt like I just wasn’t “getting it”.  I knew something was wrong in my life one Sunday morning when everyone was taking communion, and I knew I couldn’t because I had not put my faith in Christ. I can’t even describe how uncomfortable I felt, and I even remember getting emotional and had no idea why. I starting praying desperately, asking God to help me have a real relationship with him.

I had heard that Covenant Life was starting a course about the basics of Christianity and I started attending classes on Wednesday nights. I loved the discussions and began reading suggested books and started asking questions. I loved learning about who Jesus was. Before this course, my conception of God was that he was loving toward everyone, and that all religions and spiritualities were just different paths leading to the same God. I believed that if there was a heaven, that basically everyone got in. But I had no truth to base my beliefs on. In fact, before that, I thought anyone who believed in Jesus was a fool, and I really only used his name as a swear word. Slowly, God had started softening my heart, and helped me to become more open minded. I learned that the only way to have a relationship with God is through the faith that Jesus died for my sins. I was still very skeptical about everything, and wanted to learn as much as I could so that I could develop my own convictions.

A few weeks into the course, my boyfriend broke up with me and it devastated me. I really had put all of my dependence on that relationship, and without even realizing it, I had come to believe that if he could just love me enough, then I would be okay. The day after we broke up, his mom shared the gospel with me – the good news that Jesus died to pay the penalty for my sins and if I put my faith in him, my sins would be forgiven and I could have a relationship with God forever.  She encouraged me to say a prayer, and I couldn’t have been more ready. I prayed for God to save me from my sin and asked Him to help me believe with my whole heart. I repented of my sins and put my faith in Christ. 
Since that day only several months ago, I have seen amazing changes in my heart, my desires, and my relationships. I have been far from perfect, but have become very aware of my conscience, and I feel as though God is constantly helping me to make better decisions, and I want to please Him.  I have been blessed with a passion for reading God’s word and reading other books about the gospel. I’ve found scripture memorization and seeking to apply scripture in my daily life to be very helpful. I have loved building new friendships with other Christians. I am constantly amazed at the unselfishness, care and love I’ve seen in so many Christians. These are all qualities I have been asking God to help me grow in.  Something very important that I am learning is that absolutely no human relationship can satisfy that desperate emptiness and be my ultimate happiness; only Christ can fill that void in my heart.

Even after I gave my life to Christ, I found that I was embarrassed to tell other Christians about my past, but have come to learn that we are all sinners who are forgiven by Jesus’ death on the cross. I’ve even seen how the suffering and trials I’ve had throughout my life were all for my good because God humbled me enough to finally search out a relationship with Him, and also, hopefully I will able to help someone else with my experiences. I’ve already had the opportunity to begin to share the gospel and parts of my testimony with several friends and family members, and have had people asking me a lot of questions. I’m amazed at God’s love; that He would still want to have a relationship with me as his daughter after everything I’ve done, and that he would want to use me as a vessel to share the gospel with others. Just a few days ago, I found out that I have the opportunity to go on a mission trip to Uganda in January. A few months ago, I could’ve never pictured myself even considering going to Africa, but I can’t begin to tell you how excited and grateful I am to have this opportunity for outreach with other members of my church.

Since becoming a Christian, I’ve had to face some difficult circumstances. God has used these trials to teach me that I can trust him through everything, and I’ve been able to use these times to focus on growing in my relationship with Him. I could probably tell a hundred stories where God has shown himself to me in little ways in the last several months. I believe in the past I would’ve discounted them all as coincidences, but today I’m convinced that God is trying to show me that He loves me. I used to always be fearful and anxious about my future, but today, I know without a doubt that God has a plan for my life and I can fully depend on him. I’m excited to continue seeking to know Him better and to be an example of Christ’s love that has been so graciously given to me.

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”