NEXT

Here’s Jonathon’s story as told at Next this year.

Jonathan Sawyer Testimony from Sovereign Grace Ministries on Vimeo.

Jonathon
Grace Church, Frisco TX

My name is Jonathon Sawyer and this is my story of how Jesus Christ changed my life.

My parents had a very difficult divorce when I was four years old.  I was raised mostly by my mother and step-father. My mother considered herself a spiritual seeker, and my stepfather considered himself an atheist. Mom dabbled in many different forms of religion and alternative spirituality. As a child, I was exposed to all of these.

They ranged from eastern meditation to the New Age, and from modern Judaism to my step-father’s passionate atheism. I recall my step-father, a man whom I love and who invested so much into me, telling me that he stopped going to church at age nineteen because he felt he was wasting his time.

As I meditated upon my conversion to Christ, I was reminded of the Parable of the Sower in Matthew 13:3-9:

“A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, and some thirty.”

In the midst of the many different religions and spiritualities I was exposed to in my childhood, I visited a church occasionally with my birth dad and his wife which talked about Jesus, who lived a perfect life, died on the cross for our sins, and was then raised from the dead. I remember being affected by this message, and praying with my dad and his wife to have Jesus forgive me of my sins.

The parable that I just read in Matthew speaks of birds coming to devour this message. I experienced this. My father moved away from the city I was living in, and I was not exposed to a Christian church for several years. I grew up in New Mexico, and when I was in elementary school, I became friends with two different members of the Mormon Church. At ten years old, I was given a Book of Mormon, and when I was fifteen years old, I officially converted to the Mormon Church.

During the few years I spent involved in this organization, various family members who were Christians would attempt to share with me that being a good person could never get me into Heaven. They would explain that only Jesus was the way to Heaven. But, as the parable says, the soil of my heart was rocky. What I heard as a child about Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection were the seeds that fell upon my soul. I would sense that the words of these Christians were true and would feel the urgency to leave the Mormon Church and turn to Jesus, but similar to the grains being scorched in the parable, this momentary clarity would not last. I would immediately fall away, and cling with fierce determination to being a good person. I thought that the better I acted, the more God would approve of me. The problem is that I could never measure up, though I was unwilling to admit it.  In fact, I gave people an appearance that I had it all together. I remember one friend saying, “Jon, you are so righteous.” I was glad that my friend thought I was so good, but I knew the sin that was in my heart.

I eventually came across a book that put serious doubts in my mind about my involvement in the Mormon Church. What I discovered made me very anxious and depressed. Could it be that everything I believed about this organization and about reaching God through being a really good person was a lie? At that time, my dad and his wife, who I had prayed with as a young boy, were living back in the same city as me.
While I was involved in the Mormon Church, we did not have much of a relationship. Over dinner, I explained to he and his wife the things I was discovering about the Mormon Church, and told them that I was thinking of leaving. Jesus came up during our conversation. We talked about him dying on the cross for our sins, and I found myself being drawn to Jesus. After dinner, I requested that they pray for me. While they were praying, my heart began to overflow with a desire to repent of the deep and very dark sins of my heart. I could no longer resist praying, and with tears of repentance, felt all of my burdens lifting as I experienced the forgiveness of sin.

After that night, I made the decision to leave the Mormon Church, though it turned into a very long and difficult process. Desiring to learn more about Jesus, I enrolled in a small, unaccredited Bible College. While there, I was incorrectly taught that because I was a Christian, I was no longer a sinner.  Therefore, I tried with all my energy to be a good and “strong” Christian. I was frustrated by failure, condemnation, and depression time and time again. I was struggling with sin, but because I thought I could no longer sin without losing my salvation, I was very confused. I grew bitter and angry. I thought that I had given everything in my life to God, and could not understand why I continued to struggle with sin. A few years later, the church and school that I was a part of dramatically fell apart due to immorality in leadership. I found myself feeling lost, hopeless, and without direction. I had no desire to be involved in a church.

The next four years were very, very difficult. I began living an immoral lifestyle, drinking alone every night, and was constantly depressed and discouraged. I came to the point of researching various methods of suicide, and wrote a “good-bye” letter to my family. It is only by God’s mercy that I am alive today. My battle with sin was intense and severe, but I somehow maintained my job, and was rising quickly in my field. The seeds of the gospel had taken root, but were choked by the thorns of my own pride, the cares of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches. I began reading books on atheism and declared myself an agnostic and skeptic, though I had many restless and agonizing nights as I thought about Jesus.

During this time, a young man who is here today, began working for me.

I knew he was a Christian, and that his family had moved to the area to plant a church. I watched his humble example of Christian service in the work place for almost a year. I eventually got to know this young man’s parents. They knew nothing about my background, but in an impromptu letter to me filled with scripture about Jesus, the following was written:

“I am praying that God’s reward in your life will be lavish (in keeping with His amazing love for you) and obvious to you in the days to come.”

I read that letter when I was at the height of arrogance and the depth of discouragement.  I distinctly remember sitting on the edge of my bed and weeping when I read that line. I am filled with emotion even right now as I consider the goodness of God. The prayers offered in that letter have been answered.

On Easter Sunday a few months later, I was invited to church. I wrestled intensely with whether or not to go, but I went. It was there that I was introduced to the biblical teaching of God’s sovereignty; His absolute rule and reign over all things, including the salvation of my sinning soul. Whereas previously I had had been taught and firmly believed that after salvation I possessed an ability to determine my destiny, I now began to see with fresh vision that “the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)  Eight years after I had left the Mormon Church and found myself arrested at the cross of Jesus Christ, I was once again humbled before the Lord with trembling and rejoicing tears.

A few months later, I experienced the worst physical pain I had ever encountered in my life. I was in a kitchen fire, and both of my hands were severely damaged with third degree burns. I had no use of my hands during that time. I could not work nor properly feed myself. It was a striking picture of the state of my soul. Physically, I was burned and could do nothing. Spiritually, I was more than burned. I was dead. Only through the death and resurrection power of the living Christ could my soul be revived. Only in Jesus could my soul be sustained.

Since that Easter Sunday, I have seen and witnessed the power of Christ’s resurrection in many ways. During a conference two years ago, the Lord convicted me of anger in my heart toward my father. I asked for his forgiveness, and that began the mending of our severely strained relationship. There have been numerous occasions where God has put members of the Mormon Church in my path to share the hope that I have in Jesus. On an evangelistic street outreach with our church recently, my partner in evangelism and I initiated a conversation with a person who we discovered to be a Mormon. We spent an hour talking with him and sharing the gospel. Since that Easter Sunday, I have been joyfully surprised by new desires to lay aside the sins that held me captive for so long, and an increased passion to find my satisfaction in Jesus through the words of scripture. Since that Easter Sunday, my mother, who is not a Christian and was once very hostile toward the gospel, has attended church with me, and we have had many conversations about Jesus. I was once consumed by loneliness and depression, finding solace in alcohol and immorality. Today, my arms are lifted by brothers and sisters who encourage me when I feel hopeless, pointing me to the great shepherd of my soul, Jesus Christ.

I am a sinner saved by Jesus’ death on the cross as a substitute for my sins. Through the power of his resurrection, my heart is at rest in the good soil of our Father in Heaven’s passionate love and unyielding grace. I know that until the day I die and see Jesus face to face, I will continue to struggle. In those times, when Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Jesus there, who made an end of all my sin.

He is the sinless Savior. He is eternal. He has no beginning and he has no end.  He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He is the Sovereign King who did not come to us in the flesh as a conquering military victor, but as a suffering servant, paying for our sins on Calvary’s cross, and rising on the third day, defeating the power of sin and death.

“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly trust in Jesus’ name.”